Haven't written anything since January

I got into uni

I'm not sure if I like it

and I felt like writing here because I feel like no one reads it

I don't have much to tell

besides the fact that most things are boring

I'm ill also

and alone as usual

Loads of things

I'm going to Uni

I start the 5th of March

I'll be studying to become a dentist

I don't know if I want to, but I guess It'll do

I don't really know what to say

Neglectful of this blog

But I don't have much to tell

I think I want everyone to stop having expectations

I need to realise what I want

emphasising the I

Sometimes I wonder if things get better

But that's just wondering

because I know I don't want them to get better

I don't deserve them to

Paradise

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach so
She ran away in her sleep
and dreamed of Paradise
Every time she closed her eyes

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
and the bullets catch in her teeth
Life goes on, it gets so heavy
The wheel breaks the butterfly
Every tear a waterfall
In the night the stormy night she'll close her eyes
In the night the stormy night away she'd fly

and dreams of Paradise
She'd dream of Paradise

And so lying underneath those stormy skies
She'd say, "oh, I know the sun must set to rise"

This could be Paradise

the main reason i will never be okay
is because i don't want to be okay

I've been neglecting my blog for a long time
but I don't know what to say
or to do
I feel lost
and I doubt I'll be getting into college next year

I don't know what to study

I'm sad

Every once in a while

I come to realise how lonely I am

Short Infinished Story

It was dark, but the glow of the moon lit the ground, where small
ponds left after the rain, reflected, the now clear night sky.

The naked bricks of the old building were still humid, the leaks on
the roof still let the remaining water in, the waterdrops made a
distinctive sound, sharp, almost metallic, as they reached the marbled
floor of the abandoned construction

It was dark, but a firefly came inside through the broken glass in a
window. A big room on the second floor, a wall mirror, an arm chair, a
chaise longue, navigation devices over a desk, and books, books that
occupied the many shelves.

The firefly landed over sheets of paper left next to a pen and an
empty bottle of ink. The letters were incomplete, all of them, the
paper was yellow after all those years; when he ran away before he
could give her that message, as he grabbed his suitcase and left to
never see her again.

I haven't been living, there's not much to post

Johnny's always running around, trying to find certainty.
He needs all the world to confirm, that he aint lonely

Mary counts walls, knows he tires easily

Johnny thinks the world would be right, if it would buy, truth from him.
Mary says he changes his mind, more than a woman.

But she made her bed, even when the chance was slim.

Johnny says he's willing to learn, when he decides, he's a fool.
Johnny say's he'll live any where, when he earns time to.

Mary combs her hair, says she should be use to it.

Mary always hedges her bets, she never knows, what to think.
She says that he still acts, like he's being discovered.

Scared that he'll get caught, without a second thought

Johnny feels he's wasting his breath, trying to talk, sense to her
Mary says he's lacking a real, sense of proportion
So she combs her hair, knows he tires easily

Johnny's always running around, trying to find certainty.
He needs all the world to confirm, that he aint lonely

Mary counts walls, says she should be use to it

Then I was in the darkness

So darkness I became

Changed my theme

feedback?

I'm just too bad at this
I don't  know how to be happy I guess

i've come to the realisation that song speak better for me

this is not a song but idk

Though I am old with wandering
Through hollow lands and hilly lands,
I will find out where she has gone
And kiss her lips and take her hands;
And walk among long dappled grass,
And pluck till time and times are done
The silver apples of the moon,
The golden apples of the sun.

Iron

2nd post of the day

2 unrelated things

darling stop confusing me
with your wishful thinking
hopeful enbraces
don't you understand?
i have to go through this
i belong to here where
no-one cares and no-one loves
no light no air to live in
a place called hate
the city of fear

i play dead
it stops the hurting
i play dead
and hurting stops

it's sometimes just like sleeping
curling up inside my private tortures
i nestle into pain
hug suffering
caress every ache

i play dead
it stops the hurting

Up to date

Well I've been neglecting my blog for a while but let's update it:

• I went to watch Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows part 2
• I also watched Transformers 3
• I got my driver's license
• I got a Plurk (@meursault92)
• I watched more Studio Ghibli films

Февраль. Достать чернил и плакать!

Писать о феврале навзрыд,
Пока грохочущая слякоть
Весною черною горит.

Достать пролетку. За шесть гривен,
Чрез благовест, чрез клик колес,
Перенестись туда, где ливень
Еще шумней чернил и слез.

Где, как обугленные груши,
С деревьев тысячи грачей
Сорвутся в лужи и обрушат
Сухую грусть на дно очей.

Под ней проталины чернеют,
И ветер криками изрыт,
И чем случайней, тем вернее
Слагаются стихи навзрыд.